Saturday, 24 August 2013


Well getting drunk and having a good time is exactly what i did when i was seventeen me and my step-fathers relationship hit what i would call a massive no go area and i was promptly thrown out the family home no one stuck up for me and i was on my own i had a job i had friends and i had a close male friend but no one to look after me and watch out for me most if not all my friends lived at home and seemed to have normal teenage relationships with there parents staying with them was not a option i remember sitting in the local pub that night not knowing where i was going to sleep a friend offered to sneak me in her house after her parents went to sleep but this was not ideal it dawned on me i was homeless i was scared and frightened that i would end up sleeping underneath the motorway bridge something i was not looking forward to , but again i was saved a group of male friends were sharing a one bedroom flat they were all young only a couple of years older than me and this seemed to them like they had found there Independence in reality it was one bedroom flat given to the eldest of the the male friends (there were three of them ) by the local council it had three mattresses in the bed room on the floor there was running water hot and cold but no cooking facility's and a old settee and  two chairs in the living room after finding out from my friend that i had been thrown out of the family home i was offered the settee they were good lads and they had all known me a long time they would not have seen me on the street. So there i was in a one bedroom flat with three males they were all as good as gold and behaved like perfect gentleman but they were all young and like to live life so it was the normal every night after the pubs shut that the flat filled up with people looking to party a lot of them unsavoury to say the least and looking back not the safest place for a young seventeen girl to be but again the three male friends acted like earth angels and went out of there way to protect me one of them even giving up his mattress on the floor so i could get some sleep then sitting in the hall way with his back to the bedroom door making sure that no one came in it was this lad who the day after i moved into the flat volunteered to collect my belongings for me from my home when he returned to the flat he had two black bags containing my stuff he also had tears in his eyes he told me that hr truly believed that when he knocked my front door for my stuff my parents would beside themselves with worry and he would be able to tell them i was safe and bring me straight home what he got was that when he knocked my front door my parents had already packed my stuff into the black bags and handed them over without any questions to how or where i was he told me that this had broke his heart and he didn't know how to tell me i told him not to worry i was used to feeling alone and i knew i would get used to being alone but was i alone know not never i always had my higher beings and my angels and guides looking after me . After about a week of living in the flat i knew this was no place for a women there was a Lot of drinking going on and some drugs i knew it was time i left but where would i go ................god bless

Thursday, 15 August 2013


Hi everyone i can see from my blog that an awful lot of you pop in and have a peek and i want to thank you all for taking the time to have a little look but i would love some more feedback so please leave me a little comment so i don't feel i am talking away to myself i will be really thankful and thank you for stopping by xxxx...........godbless

Sunday, 11 August 2013


Just a small break from the memories of my life to talk about what is my take on being spiritual. I am a medium and i do do readings but there is so much more to being spiritual than that, that  is just a very small part of my spirituality yes i do like to do readings i like to communicate with spirit and to pass on loved ones messages and to communicate with spirit and hopefully bring a little comfort but my own spirituality goes a lot deeper to me than that .It all depends what you believe in i suppose and you have to let your beliefs become part of you and stand by them i have always been called names since i was a child i have been called strange nutcase etc etc so i am the first to admit that when first meeting me i don't go hi my names chance and i talk to spirit or hi my names jan and i believe in all things spiritual not because i am ashamed but like everyone on this mortal earth sometimes i just like a quiet life and also i don't want my family to take stick because of me i am a protector so of course i try to protect.Being spiritual to me is so much more not only do i communicate with spirit i also have my guides and higher spiritual beings that i communicate with i understand this might strange to some people but i have lived with them for so long that to me it is perfectly normal the one thing i have learnt over my lifetimes is that our guides our higher beings and angels are not there to solve all our life problems they can help guide us comfort us and protect us but not solve all our problems the other thing i have learnt over the years is when we block or ignore our spiritual beings it is harder for them to protect us they also need a connection to us to be able to keep there strength with us if like i did i chose to ignore my spirituality in my earlier life we can become more open to negative things taking over its hard for them to be able to guide us help us and protect us if we chose to ignore them so its more easy for negative to renter our life .I don't spend my whole life thinking and talking spirituality i am a mom a wife and a grandmother i like to live in this world and do everything and be with the people this world has to offer but i know that being spiritual is a big part of my life it helps me in all aspects in living in this world it helps me to be compassionate it helps me to listen it helps me to try and see the positive and it helps me to be calm our lives can be busy we can become consumed in life and all the goings on and we can become consumed with ourselves but having spirituality in your life can offer you so much more its a comfort we meet so many people we would not have met before we become more open to what we feel and believe to rather than what we can just see we look at the world with different eyes and we see the lovely signs that they show us and we recognise the lovely earth angels we meet yes being spiritual is so much more ..........god bless


Well here i go again continuing with my teens. As i learnt the only way to get on with things was to become more vocal and learn to stick up for myself the bulling and school eased of i wont bore you with the details but towards the third year of senior school i had found my niche and learnt to fit in up until then i had always done well in my classes but learnt that being a swat was not good for your popularly being a swat and poor was a no go so i decided the only way to fit in was to be funny not funny in a good way a comedian i was not but to play up in class act a bit cheeky and and be disruptive and look like i didn't give a dam, didn't do much for my education but at least i began to fit in by making the other girls laugh so i ambled on that was when i learnt that by wearing a different face and being someone else you could always learn how to adjust to a situation but it meant hiding who you really was . As the years past i got up to all the usual teenager things and more playing truant was a big part of that and having somewhere to go whilst doing this was making it easy we had an older friend who had there own place a group of us would go there and just hang out nothing to bad compared to what we could have done we mainly sat around chatting and smoking to be honest but it was better than school we always intended to go to school we would set off and say we will just drop in and go into school during the break but of course we never did and before we knew it it was 4oclock and we were heading home pretending that we had spent a hard day at school now if we had done this for the odd day we probably would have got away with it but being only school children we never done that so we continued not attending school at all and this went on for about a month of course we all got caught and we all paid the penance .It was around about this time i found another past time boys and even though i could still hear all my spiritual friends it was around about this time i decided to ignore them i was going through a lot at the time and i would say that the years from when i was fifteen upwards was traumatic to say the least and i got lost i found and discovered make-up now to me putting my face o was like putting a mask on and i could become whoever i wanted to be . I never really got on with my step-father well to be truthful that last statement was wildly understated my life at home was pure hell due to my step-father my mom liked to keep the peace so as a sixteen year old i had far to much freedom from my age i think my mom thought it kept the peace if i was not in the house there would be no fighting it would things would get very physical and he would beat me therefore  i think my mom thought if i was out i was protected and it made for a much more peaceful life for her so that's when i discovered boys drinking and parties i never really had a time i had to be in but i found that most of the time i was in at a reasonable hour due to my friends not having as much freedom as me i also had a few boyfriends from the age of fifteen to sixteen one was special he made me laugh he was a Lady's man good looking and charming i had seen through him straight away and even though we fell into a relationship i never wanted to be his girlfriend i never wanted to be tied to anyone i wanted to have a laugh to get drunk not to worry about anything or anybody but to hide from all the sadness that was going on in my life at the time (so much more than i have wrote about here maybe one day i will elaborate but not now ) what he never new and i didn't realise at the time was that even though i had chosen to ignore my spiritual beings they had not left me and they sent along one of my earth angels(many more have followed) to help me i truly believe that if i hadn't met that man at that time i would not have coped with life he never knew it and more than likely never will know but he truly saved me at that time something i have only just realised while i was writing this .............. godbless