Sunday, 11 August 2013


Well here i go again continuing with my teens. As i learnt the only way to get on with things was to become more vocal and learn to stick up for myself the bulling and school eased of i wont bore you with the details but towards the third year of senior school i had found my niche and learnt to fit in up until then i had always done well in my classes but learnt that being a swat was not good for your popularly being a swat and poor was a no go so i decided the only way to fit in was to be funny not funny in a good way a comedian i was not but to play up in class act a bit cheeky and and be disruptive and look like i didn't give a dam, didn't do much for my education but at least i began to fit in by making the other girls laugh so i ambled on that was when i learnt that by wearing a different face and being someone else you could always learn how to adjust to a situation but it meant hiding who you really was . As the years past i got up to all the usual teenager things and more playing truant was a big part of that and having somewhere to go whilst doing this was making it easy we had an older friend who had there own place a group of us would go there and just hang out nothing to bad compared to what we could have done we mainly sat around chatting and smoking to be honest but it was better than school we always intended to go to school we would set off and say we will just drop in and go into school during the break but of course we never did and before we knew it it was 4oclock and we were heading home pretending that we had spent a hard day at school now if we had done this for the odd day we probably would have got away with it but being only school children we never done that so we continued not attending school at all and this went on for about a month of course we all got caught and we all paid the penance .It was around about this time i found another past time boys and even though i could still hear all my spiritual friends it was around about this time i decided to ignore them i was going through a lot at the time and i would say that the years from when i was fifteen upwards was traumatic to say the least and i got lost i found and discovered make-up now to me putting my face o was like putting a mask on and i could become whoever i wanted to be . I never really got on with my step-father well to be truthful that last statement was wildly understated my life at home was pure hell due to my step-father my mom liked to keep the peace so as a sixteen year old i had far to much freedom from my age i think my mom thought it kept the peace if i was not in the house there would be no fighting it would things would get very physical and he would beat me therefore  i think my mom thought if i was out i was protected and it made for a much more peaceful life for her so that's when i discovered boys drinking and parties i never really had a time i had to be in but i found that most of the time i was in at a reasonable hour due to my friends not having as much freedom as me i also had a few boyfriends from the age of fifteen to sixteen one was special he made me laugh he was a Lady's man good looking and charming i had seen through him straight away and even though we fell into a relationship i never wanted to be his girlfriend i never wanted to be tied to anyone i wanted to have a laugh to get drunk not to worry about anything or anybody but to hide from all the sadness that was going on in my life at the time (so much more than i have wrote about here maybe one day i will elaborate but not now ) what he never new and i didn't realise at the time was that even though i had chosen to ignore my spiritual beings they had not left me and they sent along one of my earth angels(many more have followed) to help me i truly believe that if i hadn't met that man at that time i would not have coped with life he never knew it and more than likely never will know but he truly saved me at that time something i have only just realised while i was writing this .............. godbless

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